Sunday, August 22, 2010

Serial Harlotry

Back in the bosom of bigotry! What better place for 'hipster fags' than e-ville? Thanks friends!
But first: Prairie Party! Our 'triumphant' return to the land of our births began in Winnipeg. Thankfully, it's not winter this time and we DIDN'T break down in Chunder Bay, we DIDN'T get stuck on the highway, and we DIDN'T almost miss our show. That would've been a good story though, huh? Instead we were almost on time and the show was amazing! According to our sources, Winnipegers (is that what they're called?) don't dance, but this night they couldn't be stopped. Or at least they danced quite a bit, which I guess is quite a feat. Plus This Hisses were pretty much the best thing ever. Despite the door guy's assurances that we shouldn't comp anyone, cause no one was coming and it was our money we were wasting and we should really care about money cause that's the most important thing in life, the show was packed! So there bucko. I also found out that I look just like a really drunk guy's friend, and the friend looks just like Robert Deniro, so I must look just like Robert Deniro. So since I already look like 'a young Al Pacino' (thanks Chelsea Buttafucco), I'm now gonna start a one man Godfather musical. Good idea, eh? Winnipeg good times continued with Ethiopian buffet, breakfast dates, awkward hangouts, and swimming in a heated salt water pool while drinking keg beer and eating barbacue. Fuck yeah! Thanks Julia!
On to Saskatoon, or 'Stoon as we affectionately call it. We're now pretty much super famous, so naturally we got a free meal. And nachos! And beer! We're actually not a big deal, so free anything IS a big deal to us! Mmmm. So you'd think that a small city like 'Stoon might be a bit conservative, hard to get people rockin, not ready for noisy, weirdy, artsy jerks like us, eh? But then you'd be the most wrong! Amazing local electro-burlesque-peach Lipstickface and straight up, ketchup and hotdog soaked, skivvy wearing no-wave noise rockers Aunty Panty showed us how fucking cool Saskatoon is, and then, despite our fears that lateness would scare the kids away, our set was the most jumpin of the tour! Non-stop dance party, everyone soaked, the 'Stooners brought the party! And then after we played left faster than a deadbeat dad on child support day.
On to Alberta, along the smokey highway to the cowboy capital of Canada. They love freaks right? It actually kinda felt like they did, strangely enough, but that lovin' feelin' was helped along by all the Edmonton folks who trucked 'er down to hoot and holler. Yeehaw! Good times, and boom town lived up to its name, financially speaking, if you know what I mean. Then it was back on the road, mistakenly listening to the drunken advice of friends who shall remain nameless to drive 'to this super sweet spot, with a lake, there's a sign' and hunker down for the night. So we got lost and instead decided to drive ALL the way back to e-ville in the middle of the night, freestyling and pretending to be on Christian radio to stay awake/alive. Flounin'!
We survived, and it was on to another show in the ol' Edmonchuck. The weirdest opening band of our career open the night, decked in Skeletor mask, disco pants and flashing glasses to the booming beats of dance mix 96 and the lulling tones of hand drums. Err... Oh well, our friends were there again and that always means good times. Who cares if we can't hear each other and we only get free water, booties were shaken. Yeah!
Soon we'll leave the prairies behind, off to what's sure to be the drunkest week of the tour. It's a mini island tour with 100% Mmmberta gold! What fun. Let's just hope we'll be able to play our instruments...
Stay tuned for some garbled entries, cause that's sure to be the best our fingers will be able to do, what with all the whiskey being pumped intravenously into our systems.

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