Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I Was Looking For My Cowboy Shirt and Then I Realized I Had Torn It of In a Fury To Put on My Dress

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ahem... Ok, sober up. Time to get serious. The Mmmberta Boys and Girls are gone and the hangover is starting to set in so I've got to write this quick!
A week ago seems like so long, but I'll try to recall it all.
Stop one: Kamloops. No show, but who needs one? When you're a 15 to 20 person circus, you're your own show! Fantasmic Jenny lets the whole gong show in and we party and yell and sing and slurp and scream and dance beachside till the early morn. Finally some sun and warmth! All of Canada isn't frozen! Then it's off to Van-city. Welcomed into the heart of Hastings, we get a fast injection of... chinese food! Though some of us stuck with bean sandwiches. The Astoria was bumping with a well balanced diet of weirdo punk-ish rawk and then we found the 2nd best poutine shop in Canada! C'mon, 2nd best is still really good! All night Mmmbertas leave early and we take full advantage of the cheap cheap cheap sushi fest! Yar!
Then it`s off to the big island (not Hawaii, just so`s ya know) and the party continues. Or really begins I guess... Evening ice-swim gets the hunger going and we chow down and heat up in the homeside sauna. What luxury! Next morning off to Saltspring to sell some crystals and petuli. Oh yeah, and play some music.
Since the garden boy run off with the moon (and the owner`s wife) the Fulford Harbor Inn/Pub is closing so they asked us ruffnecks in for an eviction party. 20 people strong, we burned that mother down, and then drank it to the dregs and then plugged all the plumming and then got payed like swampies are not supposed to. Yowza! Oh yeah. First we went to the sweetest swimmin hole. With a rope. And a rock. And so pristine. Man. Only the lake comes with amnesia gas, so none of us can ever remember how to go back so we can't take you. Sorry. Ask a local.
Rush back to Victoria to set up for the party. Some of us swim while others work but it all got did and it's a rager! The roof actually comes off, but we tied some gang lines so it was recoverable. So much sauna (even though some insisted on fully clothed), Captain America made an appearance (U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) and everyone dressed in drag. The walls started sweating and saxaphone guy got us busted by the cops, but we didn't get a fine, so we can still buy weed, as the cops pointed out.
Sunday, and we finally heed the week long 'Mi-ni-golf! Mi-ni-golf!' chants and it's off to Happy Family Fun Time Land All The Time Place' and have an epic battle. We're all winners (though Jarvey is really the winner by a long shot) and then it's off to the biggest show of all our careers. Except Logan's sucks and they forgot we were coming and the cover was too high and the soundman was too late and the hootenany was too long and the people were too few and the money was too none. Whatever, we love each other and come back and laugh it up for five hours until it's five minutes to the ferry and that means... Sauna Time! Tensions are high as the heat rises, but the Mmmbertas leave I think in time and are gone from our lives like the rider at any show they play. Bye bye bbgun!
Monday is off to Duncan, home of a BIGGER stick than Eveleth (so there!) and the Duncan Garage Showroom. We're booked with a couple of the best matching acts we've ever played with. You know, radio friendly folk pop soft rock female singer songwriter. Just like us, right? Great sound, great bats, lots of dogs and nose flutes, the british guy really liked us if none of the other five in the audience were feelin it. Our 'dancers' danced it up to avoid the 18 dollar cover (!?!) and fun was had.
Now it's the end. We've used up our last rollie and Tara and Tim have thrown all our stuff in a bramble bush, so I think we've got to go. One more show and then we'll dispers like smoke from Longevity John's lungs. I hope we don't get caught smuggling people onto the ferry!
Talk soon, and maybe the next time you'll see us it'll be after ten years and we'll be dressed like school girls!

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